Wednesday, May 9, 2012

I had two more voice lessons with David back in February, after I got home from Barre. He was very positive and supportive. Each time I was there with him, I felt relaxed and comfortable and my voice felt good. Each time, he gave me new and different exercises, and I diligently practiced them at home, looking in the mirror to keep my throat muscles relaxed and expanded and the back of my neck long. Yikes, I tell my students the very same things, but it is so hard to be objective with your own mechanism! Before my March 21 lesson, I got an email from David saying that his cardiologist was concerned about some test results and wanted him to take some time off from teaching. Of course I was worried about his health, but I was also left on my own for what turned into 9 long weeks. This was a difficult challenge at this point in building a new technique, and there were many ups and downs. Was I doing the exercises correctly? Was I trying too hard? Should I keep going in this direction even if I wasn’t sure it was right? Try not to panic. Try to be patient. Don’t worry if one day feels less good than the day before. Don’t get excited if one day feels much better than the day before. Just keep going, steadily and patiently. I know this from teaching my Princeton students. I know this from my meditation practice. I know this from tennis and ballet. Yes, I know this, but it was still very hard to be patient. It was very hard to have faith in the process when it was so new and different. Some days I had a glimmer of understanding – yes, I see where this is going! It feels different but good. Some days I felt despair – I have no idea what I am doing and it feels terrible. Just keep going with a gentle persistence and don’t push.

Finally, today, I saw David. He was very excited about the progress I had made. You mean I have been going in the right direction? Oh absolutely he said. What a huge sigh of relief. I was so thrilled, I treated myself to some wonderful gelato on the corner of 94th street. The place had been closed when I walked by before, but now that the weather was warm, it was open for business. Hurray!