March 15, 2026

I returned to Forest Refuge for another two-week retreat in early March. Over 20 inches of snow covered the ground when I arrived, but as usual, with the drastically changeable early spring weather in New England, it was all gone by the time I left. In between we had two ice storms, wind, fog, rain, and two sunny beach days with temps near 70. A familiar cast of characters was in attendance to practice with Rebecca Bradshaw and devon hase, and I once again signed up to lead the metta chanting at the early morning sitting. Devon seemed to remember me from two years ago as she looked right at me in the hall and announced “we have singers here” in her opening instructions on chanting. In my first interview with her, we had a lovely reunion as I described the interesting things that happened in my final days on Maui over a year ago. I was interested in her take on it. “Oh, that sounds like deep equanimity” she said, seeing things just as they are without attachment or pleasant or unpleasant… “no wonder Steve and Kamala got excited. Try to notice when there is an absence of pleasant or unpleasant.” I settled into a relaxed and even state of calm, with a good amount of equanimity and enjoyed the cold, grey snow and ice.

         When I met with Rebecca a few days later, we also had a lovely reunion, and she remarked on the deep equanimity which she had heard about from devon. Hummmm, teachers usually stay neutral about the “special” experiences students describe. Was this so much more special that they had actually talked about it??? I was practicing with the “no one not doing anything” I had experienced the last time I was here, also the “welcoming everything” that Ajhan Sumedho recommends in the talks my Dhamma Farers reading group are discussing. It felt pretty normal and easy, even as I had the usual body aches and eating  challenges wth too much delicious food. I was also having a lot of sleepiness. Rebecca said that equanimity is one of the more low-energy enlightenment factors and I could turn up the joy or investigation factors to find more balance. In her first dharma talk, devon had ended with the question “is emptiness empty, or full of love?” I have loved that question for a long time and invited it into my practice. One night after that, I awoke to a clear understanding that the awareness that welcomes everything is metta, or allowing, or unconditional love. It felt cool and bright, like the full moon that was shining down on the frozen landscape. Another night when I was awake in the wee hours, I had an experience of my body vibrating and dissolving into a quantum soup of the stuff that makes up everything. When I described this to devon, she said that the universal stuff could be called love. Humm, I’m not quite knowing it like that yet. It was interesting to walk around seeing solid objects and quantum soup existing at the same time. It wasn’t scary or disorienting, but more like “of course!” Everything belongs – how could it not?