January 30, 2025

I love being on retreat! I love the structure and focus of the schedule, and I love the way my mind feels when it gets calm and concentrated. I am filled with immense gratitude that I was able to get away for a month again in December and January to dive into the solitude and support of the Dharma Sanctuary in Kula. Of course, my experience was very different from the last time I was there two years ago. As an expression of the law of change and impermanence, the land was brown and crunchy after a long dry spell when I arrived a few days after Christmas. After one severe thunder-storm and many days with rain, everything was once again green, lush and blooming by the time I left at the end of January. This was true of my heart as well.

Another big change was Steve’s health. I had seen him occasionally online, smiling and waving to the faithful attendees of the Wednesday morning sitting group. It is still a miracle that he is alive almost 8 years after a glioblastoma diagnosis. In person, I learned that while still cancer free, he had suffered some collapsed vertebrae about a year ago, which left him stooped and twisted, walking slowly with a cane. He still came down to the hall for the group sittings twice a day but had more difficulty getting up and down from his sitting cushion. I watched my mind and heart want to help him, as I often do with Michael. I also watched and learned as Kamala let him fend for himself. When I met with him for the  twice-weekly teacher interviews, or “check-ins” as they called them, he seemed to have more cognitive difficulty with short term memory and superficial worldly chat. But when we talked about meditation and my practice, he was as clear and sharp as ever, always giving me an instruction that was exactly what I needed in that moment. Kamala, at 77, seemed as strong and healthy as ever, handling everything with apparent grace and ease.